when your friend says “i’m going to bed goodnight” or w/e
don’t do the thing where you’re all like “awww can’t you just stay up a little longer”, or the thing where you ignore their goodnight completely and just carry on talking, or the thing where you start a new conversation topic like they didn’t just set a boundary to end the conversation
especially you know your friend is a few timezones ahead of you or you don’t know what timezone they’re in
because it might be 9pm where you are and you’re thinking “eh it’s not that late they can stay up a bit longer” but for your friend it’s literally 5am and they were meant to go to bed 5 hours ago and they already stayed up out of their way to talk to you so just
don’t be a douche about it and make it difficult for them to leave the conversation okay, they told you they were going to bed to be polite to you and let you know they were leaving, not as a way of saying “please persuade me out of this clearly stated and decided course of action”
if you want to let your friend know you appreciate their company and are sad they’re going away, express it more like “aww ok, goodnight! see you tomorrow?” or something, acknowledging their goodnight and expressing a desire to see them again soon, rather than. hoping that if you ignore the boundary they just set, that it’ll go away.
there’s certain people i’ve just stopped saying goodnight to and i just silently log off because i know if i notify them i’m going to sleep, they’ll try and persuade me out of it and make me feel bad for leaving - even when i’m really exhausted or when i have somewhere to be the next day
so just don’t be that person okay
Weeping client talking to me today. They tried to goad her companion into a fist fight so they could call the police and have him arrested, therefore she couldn’t have the procedure.
She was crying and screaming for them to leave her alone. They wouldn’t, and her companion got angry.
I told her that I have no idea why they can’t understand it. My guess is, that they don’t care about you or your partner, only the fetus that could kill you.
She was very upset, so I let her and her companion wait in my car. She thanked me and said “I’m glad you are here. He would have hit that guy if you all had not walked with us”.
She walked into the clinic tear free, but still with anti’s trailing behind her shouting. The escort presence gave her space and a buffer from the harassment.
That is why I escort. That is why I do it.
Misgendering a trans person is like blowing cigarette smoke in the face of an asthmatic.
It doesn’t always trigger an attack, but it always hurts.
No, do not equate these things. They are nowhere near the same. Blowing cigarette smoke in the face of an asthmatic can be FUCKING LETHAL without immediate medical attention (such as an emergency inhaler). Once their bronchial tubes are irritated and inflamed it becomes exhausting just trying to stay awake and breathing and can take weeks to recover from. It is physical assault at best, and attempted murder at worst.
If you don’t believe me, try breathing through a coffee stirrer for an hour and imagine the pain and tiredness you start feeling in your lips and throat traveling through your whole body as it tries to subsist on almost no oxygen. No joke, try it. Oh, and make sure you do it somewhere soft or with friends who’ll catch you when you finally pass out so you don’t accidentally break your face.
lol vermithrx have you never had a panic attack coincide with suicidal feelings
1. Presume competence. This applies to people with physical and/or mental disabilities. Never assume that a disabled person isn’t cognizant of their surroundings.
2. Respect their autonomy. Always ask if a disabled person needs help. If they decline help, don’t force your “help” on them.
3. Don’t ask invasive questions. This goes twice for trans people with disabilities. For example, don’t ask how a physically disabled person goes to the bathroom. If you wouldn’t like it if someone asked you a particular question, chances are LGBTQ people with disabilities wouldn’t like it either.
4. Include accessibility when you talk about having sex. First and foremost, as is with any sexual relationship: always and continually ask for consent. Second, if your partner has a sensory processing disorder or is Autistic, take their sensory issues into account. Ask what their sensory issues are before having sex and explain, in detail, what you are planning to do. Third, if, at any time before or during sex, your partner is uncomfortable with continuing, stop.
5. Don’t presume that a disabled person is straight/nonsexual/cisgender. Too often, people assume that disabled people are straight/nonsexual/cisgender. There is nothing wrong with identifying this way, but you should never make assumptions about someone else’s identity.
- hindi is a language
- hinduism is a religion
- hindu is someone who follows it
- not all indians are hindu
- not all indians speak hindi
- the ‘d’ in hindu and hindi is pronounced like the ‘th’ in ‘though’
- desi, pronounced “they see” and not daisy or dessi, means south asian
- south asia = pakistan, india, bangladesh, sri lanka, nepal, etc. for those of you who have never looked at world map
- desis are asians and have every right to call themselves that. shocking, I know. take your time to digest that.
- I can’t believe I have to make this post
- it’s 2013 and people still don’t know how to google this shit
- but freak the fuck out when you say Britain when you meant, god forbid, England
She’s kind of right, but for the wrong reasons.
It’s not so much a trans man/trans woman divide with the “umbrella” than it is a binary/nonbinary divide.
Yeah, that’s why men* keep accusing non-binary women of being binarist!
CAFAB men and genderqueers using the term “binarist” as a silencing tool began as a way of silencing trans women of color, many of whom so happened to be binary, but it was being applied to all trans women of color.
Having gotten sufficient traction by running trans women of color over with their patriarchobus, they decided to start coming at all trans women with the term “binarist” as a silencing term.
I say “silencing term” because there’s been zero actual discussion in any of this shit about how gender binaries can conditionally favor some people over others. I pretty much have to pass for a cis female on a daily basis as a tool of survival. I live in the hood, I don’t have magic understanding neighbors, I have no local community to speak of, I pretty much am in the same swim or die world that I’ve been in all my life. This is labeled “binary privilege”, a term almost always uttered by a white CAFAB trans man or genderqueer.
Now, you want to see the irony in this? Most CAFAB trans men/genderqueers, not all obviously, use their ability to be men all week and not-men on the weekends to keep inserting themselves into women’s queer social spaces, aka Janice Raymond Was Right. So people who actively exploit being non-binary or having a shifting binary are the ones throwing stones at trans women.
Are there privileges which come with being binary? No shit. See above, I have to avail myself of those privileges on a daily basis as a tool of basic survival. Not all of us can live where all the *~*radikewl queerz*~* can afford to live with their trust fund cheddar, and as a result have to do shit to survive. But those privileges aren’t really “privilege” for most trans women, and they’re conditional at best…when trans men and cis people avail themselves of binary privilege all the time and are never “called out” for it by these folks. Why is that?
The “binary privilege” stone as thrown by CAFAB trans men/genderqueers is targeted at trans women who are already not too privileged. They’re not throwing it at Silicon Cesspit coder ladies, they’re throwing it at trans women of color, poor white trans women whose politics don’t fall in line with their white “radical” mayo-ass bullshit.
They’re pulling a Dean Spade, talking about shit they know nothing about and then spanking people who don’t do what a white man wants. For some reason most of those people seem to be trans women of color. Maybe we just know better and will refuse to be taken down by white male squalling about “binary privilege”, which they for some reason never seem to complain about when it comes to cis people.
Now if you’ll excuse me for being so egotistical, *drops the mic*.
This so totally does happen. Like, not that fakecisgirl needs my confirmation but just this has happened to me and I continue to be bitter about it. I see these binary privilege checklists wherein a long list of privileges that are accessible to cis people but not so much trans women are enumerated, and when that’s pointed out, the transmisogyny and bile flows fast, thick, and furious until the trans woman who dared speak up disappears from the conversation.
So this sort of thing has shut me out of nonbinary discussions as a nonbinary trans person because such discussions are clearly for CAFAB trans people and trans men, but not so much for CAMAB trans people and trans women.
So yeah, it makes me quite bitter. If I had encountered this offline I am pretty sure that would have kept me out of community spaces entirely.
"…bile flows fast, thick, and furious…" is a delightful turn of phrase, bee tee dubs.
la di da…
also (for the sake of reference)
I’ll give a small tl;dr
all these white trans ppl (tbh, either cafab or camab but especially cafab) mobilizing
are not only actively benefiting from the binary, but white supremacy and colonialism and the patriarchy
they can kiss my transpinay ladyboy ass
I am cisgendered, which means that I am the gender that was assigned to me at birth. Male. I’m also heterosexual, which means that I am attracted to the opposite gender. People like me are widely hated for a number of reasons.
- It is assumed that we do not understand transgender and sexualities other than heterosexuality.
- It is assumed that all cis people are evil and hell-bent against transgenders.
Generally, these are not at all true. They are true for some certain individuals, but these do not apply to every single “cishet” person. (Funny enough, people are starting to use that term offensively. Whatever.)
I personally understand the various transgender procedures and I understand what it means. I guess I’m trying to show that I’m living proof of a well-intentioned cishet.
And I guess that’s all. If you disagree with anything, please do one of the following:
- Flood my Inbox with meaningless hate and swear words.
- Explain what you disagree with and make a suggestion.
- Cross your arms and eat some ice cream. If you are lactose intolerant, consider eating strawberry sorbet instead, because that’s the most amazing dessert ever.
Thanks for reading my pointless lecture!
*cishet voice* [rhythmic shitting noises]
> cis people
OP can fuck aaaaallll the way off